Sunday, April 1, 2018

Introducing The The MK Ultra

Sure, we know you can run 100 miles. You've run ultramarathons over the highest mountains, through white-out conditions, and across the most remote deserts in the world. But do you have the mental tenacity required to complete the distance while out of your head on mind altering substances? Ever wish you could push your body to the brink while living that acid trip scene from Easy Riders, all in the name of national security? Then the MK Ultra might just be for you!

Introducing the MK Ultra 100-Mile Trail Run, where LSD is more than just "Long Slow Distance." 


This race was created for all you hearty souls wishing to go the distance while paying homage to mind control tactics and good ol' government conspiracies. The MK Ultra runs 100 miles around the trails outside San Francisco, CA, and is sure to be one wild time. Running amok deep in the woods with scores of friends — while simultaneously hopped up on acid, barbiturates, opioids, uppers, and downers — will leave you with some zany stories to regale your co-workers with as you gather around the water cooler on Monday morning. You'll go home with a lifetime of PTSD and horrifying nightmares, and some really rad Instagram pics. IF you survive the day! 

For those of you wishing to experience the best of the MK Ultra but aren't yet ready for the 100-miler, we also have the shorter LSD-25 — a shorter race with all the substance(s) and psychosis of the 100. 

Aid Stations: 

The course and all aid stations will be manned by our generous volunteer staff of military doctors and CIA officials. Each aid station will be fully stocked with a variety of mind-altering fare, including acid-dropped Tailwind, peyote gels, "special brownies," psilocybin sandwiches, and any other Schedule I-IV controlled substances we might receive government funding for. Beginning at mile 50, we will provide intravenous amphetamine injections to help you power through the night. NOTE: Runners are required to consume the race-provided ingestibles at each aid station, no exceptions! Runners should also be ready to field a slew of questions from our volunteer staff regarding their varying states of sensory perception.

Registration Fee: 

Unlike a traditional ultramarathons, we will pay YOU $75.00. Just sign the waiver to absolve race organization from any and all negative outcomes —  including, but not limited to:
  • Blisters
  • Sprained ankles
  • Paranoia
  • Schizophrenia
  • Drug-induced myocardial infarction
  • Physical paralysis of appendeges
  • Addiction to controlled substances
  • Temporary amnesia
  • Permanent brain damage
  • Third-party mind control
  • Accidental death and dismemberment
  • Nipple chaffage

Payment will be in the form of an Ultrasignup coupon code only. All 100-mile runners will receive one of these groovy tech shirts.


All race results will be destroyed immediately upon the conclusion of the MK Ultra. E-mails requesting results will not be returned, as race organizers will deny the race ever took place.

Drug Testing: 

We will NOT tolerate cheaters. For obvious reasons there will be no post-race drug testing, but all finishers will be subject to heavy interrogation following a sodium thiopental injection to ensure there was no doping, course cutting, or cheating of any kind. 

For more information, contact Race Director Mike Pompeo. Happy April 1!

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